How do you feel about your Circle?

We are all surrounded daily by people. How do feel at the end of the day? Do you dread going to work or going home or do you look forward to it? Sometimes we get so much into our habit and routines we do not see that one or two people who are close to us can drain us of our passion for life. This is assuming of course you are not one of those people! For the most part you get to pick and choose your circle. Why not then surround yourself with the most supportive, positive people you can? Although it may seem daunting on the surface to remove yourself from a person's influence it is really quite simple, and very empowering. You deserve it, and so do those you support as part of their circle on influence. It truly is what goes around comes around. This is nothing new to some of you.

Stephen Covey, one of the early influences in people and business on my life, talked about this in his book "The Seven Habits for Highly Effective People". In it he states "Proactive people focus their efforts on the circle of influence. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging, and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase. Reactive people on the other hand, focus their efforts on the Circle of Concern. They focus on the weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstance over which they have no control."

It goes on from there on page 83 if you want to read the rest. It is a good time to revisit the old classic.

Here is what I ask my clients to look at.

1. Am I a positive influence to others throughout the day regardless, of how they behave?
   
2. Am I a reflection to others on how I want to be viewed?
   
3. Am I purposefully associated with supportive positive people whenever possible?
   
4. When negativity or drama happens do I partake or step aside and let it pass on its own?
   
5. Am I able to tell the truth to those in my circle when I am not supported in the way I deserved to be?
   

If you answer to any of those questions is less than your highest expectations than you will need to address those issues with yourself first before you can deal with the others you want to attract or remove from your circle. This took a long time for me personally. I did not want to let down the "friends" who were actually very bad for me and my outlook on life. Once I transitioned the last negative person out of my circle, the kind of people I wanted to know started coming to me right away. We only have some much time to spend with the people we truly care about and want to associate with. Don't you want it to be an uplifting experience? I know I did and do. I have had to disassociate, break up with, and limit my time with business associates, childhood friends, girlfriends, family members, and neighbors. My circle of friends is as big, in fact bigger, so I am not short on relationships or friendships.

This is a process and it can take a little time so be prepared to work at it. You are probably not going to go tomorrow and announce you will not be dealing with the entire staff because they do not fit into your circle any longer. Family members present a different dynamic, but it can be done. I have spoken to youth in different talks about this for years including several visits to juvenile facilities. I had a young man tell me years later how this topic changed the way he saw the world when he realized he may be surrounded by negativity, but he did not have to participate. That changed his life and his relationship, over time, with his family to a good one. He chose not to participate in the negative, simple. This led to good feelings, which led to a higher self esteem, was very contagious to those around him.

It is a choice who we surround ourselves with and we should think carefully about it. We should serve ourselves by promoting positive thoughts and supporting those around you. The choice is yours, do it because you deserve it.

For more information and some self assessment tools, contact me for a free thirty minute confidential coaching session scott@scottsadlercoach.com